Keeping Our Marriage Thriving While Raising Little Ones

My husband and I have these fun weekend afternoon conversations. Usually when our youngest is napping, so we have some quieter time together. Today, we really sat down and talked about how we are different (Obviously, man and woman) and how we think differently (Task oriented vs. Emotional Oriented) and how we can use these to our advantage rather than our disadvantage.

I think everyone's goal in marriage is to have one that is thriving. And, I think the hardest part to go in that direction is to really evaluate yourself and recognize your own downfalls and weaknesses as well as your strengths.

My husband is a task oriented person. He told me that if he didn't have a wife or children, he would probably be the man working 80+ hour weeks, going going going, working working working. He obviously is opposite of that with a wife and three kids, ages 6 and younger. He tends to get caught up in the task that needs to be done and forgets that I am an emotional oriented person.

I nurture. I stay home with our kids while he goes to work. I give my kids 100% of myself all day, every day. When he walks through the door after work, the first thing I want is from him is to notice me as an adult woman. My goal by the end of the day, when the kids are bathed and tucked into bed is for at least 20 minutes of (Non-Sexual) attention. Cuddling, holding me, asking about my day and REALLY LISTENING, playing with my hair, giving me undivided attention for 20 minutes.

We've realized that my husband sees tasks he does around the house when he gets home as attention to me. Which, I am very thankful that he does the dishes or helps bathe the kids or tucks them into bed. But, those tasks aren't what I seriously need to really connect with him and keep our marriage thriving. I need him. I need him to notice me. I need him to give me attention. I have given every ounce of my energy and attention to three kids all day I need someone to take care of me for a few minutes.

The tricky thing with men, and let's all be adults here, is that a man will think holding, cuddling, and attention will instantly lead to sex. Which, that is a possibility. But, don't think 3 minutes cuddles can turn into a butt grab and then we are off to the races. Wives want to be heard. Wives want to be wanted. Wives want the non-sexual cuddles and conversations. Obviously, if I am being heard, and being loved, and given the small amount of attention I desire on a daily basis, this will most likely play out in my husbands favor. I am more 'in the mood' if I am given that love and affection and attention daily. Where I am cuddled without the constant sex jokes, and really asked about how I feel on a subject, or really listening to what happened in my day.

I guess I'm kind of rambling with all this.

But, I guess it comes down to this....

1. Wives- Your husband is goal/task oriented (Most likely). Communicate with him and let him know your wants and needs. Don't be rude about it or start an argument, but sit down and really say "I just need 20 minutes a day for you to really pay attention to me, without the idea that it will be going any farther, and just listen and converse and identify with me." Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Let him know that it's not going to be hours on end of talking, just a few minutes to know you are still number one in his life.

2. Husbands- Your wife is emotionally driven. She wants to be heard. She wants you to show her that she is still the number one girl in your life. That all the tasks you do during the day is for her and the kids. Listen to her. Hold her. Don't automatically  think it will lead to sex. But, know that if you cuddle her, show her you love her, and listen to her and make her feel wanted and loved.... You are more likely going to have a wife who is willing to give up some sleep for you and spend some good 'quality' time with you.

3. Keep talking. Identify your weaknesses in yourself and accept them. Don't argue about it. You are a team. Marriage with little ones is stressful and exhausting. The last thing you two need is to disagree on something more. Sit down and really communicate your needs and desires with one another and really work at satisfying those needs for your spouse.

Parenting will go much smoother when both parents are on the same page. Your kids will thrive when you are loving each other, showing affection to each other and really working as a team.

Marriage is work. Marriage is hard. Throw some kids in the mix and it's a blender without a lid. Know what your spouse needs and take care of it. Take the extra effort for them. If you are taking care of them 100% and they are taking care of you 100% then both are taken care of and you will have more energy to love on your babies!