Having 3 kids in a span of 4 years, I've heard my share of 'advice' and 'comments' from many people. Some good, some frustrating. And, there are just some things I think we, as moms with little ones, are tired of hearing. I called out to other moms to hear what they thought. The discussion was amazing. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. Here is the top 9 things moms are tired of hearing.
1. The (Laundry, Cleaning, Dishes, Etc) Can Wait.
Sure.
I tried it. I took one day and didn't do much cleaning. I played with my kids. I made meals and didn't really clean them up. I figured "They could wait. My kids are only this age once." Want to know what happened?? I did laundry and cleaning and dishes for two days after trying to catch up with the things that I was now behind on. It's a cute saying. It's unrealistic. Kids are messy. There will always be something to clean, cook, and wash. Yes, I love playing with my kids. Yes, they are only this age once. But, no, some things can't wait. Otherwise, I'm busting my butt for hours on end trying to catch up.
2. Enjoy Every Moment
No.
I won't.
When my kids have spread who knows what all over the kitchen floor or they are fighting and yelling at each other or I have a toddler screaming on the grocery store floor.... No. I won't enjoy these moments. Every moment in motherhood will not be enjoyed. When I am up for the tenth night in a row with a screaming baby who desperately needs to sleep, but won't... I won't enjoy that moment. There are definitely moments to enjoy. But, sometimes I want to cry. And, I want to run away. And, I most certainly won't be enjoying it.
3. Sleep When The Baby Sleeps
When I had my first child many people told me this. I never slept when the baby slept. When he was down for his nap, or down for bed at night, that was time for ME. I got to do what I want and didn't have to tend to another human being. After the next two kids came, I had older ones who didn't nap so the logic behind the statement was crazy. When would I get anything done? Hold a baby all day and then nap? Who would take care of the house and later, all the other kids?!
4. You Look Tired.
......Thank you.....?
Throughout the years of motherhood, I have had many people say this to me. Majority of them, men. I know I'm tired. I haven't slept in 6 years. Do you not think I'm aware of this? There isn't any other thing you can say than "You Look Tired."? This one always shocks me and catches me off guard. Then, I usually check in a mirror to see how hideous I really do look because I was sure my makeup covered majority of the black circles under my eyes.
5. It Will Get Easier
Yes, but today is not that day. And, this is usually said while my child is throwing tantrum or asking a billion questions or I am struggling with something while holding a baby on my hip and trying to talk to my 4 year old. I bet it will get easier. But, in the mean time, instead of giving your advice, maybe you could just help me out.
6. Oh, You Just Wait
I have loved every stage of my child's life. Some have been harder than others. But, what exactly am I waiting for? My daughter is a cute, precious one year old. And, what am I waiting for? For when she turns 12 and talks back to me? Instead why don't just enjoy my baby's giggles with me. Just because your kid had problems at certain ages, doesn't mean mine will.
7. You've Got Your Hands Full
I have a 5 year old, a 4 year old, and a 1 year old. Yes, I'm busy. Yes, I'm aware my life is non-stop chaos. But, I'm not sure if this is a compliment or not? Instead, I think I would rather hear, "Wow! You're doing awesome. Look how well taken care of they are!" My hands full? It's sound like I can't handle my own family.
8. Boys Will Be Boys
No.
If my little boy is being disrespectful, or rude, or gross, or mean, you better believe I will not want to hear, "Well, boys will be boys." Heck no. I am raising future men. Men who will marry a woman someday and be a father. They better be respectful and courteous and have manners. There is no excuse for it.
9. You're being too hard on your kids
I'm not. Trust me.
I'm a very patient parent. But, I have high expectations for my children because I know what they can achieve. There is a time for play and fun and I time to sit still and be quiet. They better know how to act in both situations. Again, I'm raising future adults. Someday they will enter the real world and I am the one who is training them and raising them for this day.
I understand lots of things are said with good intentions and sometimes said just to fill the silence when people don't know what to say to you. But, with the age we live in being bombarded with so much information and judgement and advice it gets so frustrating and overwhelming. Give us some slack! We are doing the best we can. And, instead of saying these things, how about....
"Here is a gift card. Go to dinner. I will watch the kids."
"Here is some wine."
"You are doing amazing with these kids."
"Your kids are so lucky to have you as a mom"
"Here is a gift certificate for a massage."
.... or just smile....
To all the mom's out there, You are AWESOME. You are AMAZING. And, your kids are LUCKY to have you as their mom. You got this. Chins up ladies! Let's conquer the day!
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